New Year’s Resolution

Last year, I googled myself and was surprised at how much information was available on me and my writing.  Try it on yourself and see what comes up.  Personal information, made public, was disturbing, a bit scary.  On the other hand, the info on my writing hadn’t brought any readers.  I realized I needed to get the word out, but I kept running into a wall of paralysis.

I’m a major introvert, an agoraphobe, shy.  My hubby, bless his heart, understands this and allows me to recoup my energy from quiet moments and nature walks.  The rub with serious writing, however, is that it must be shared.  And how can it be shared if it isn’t promoted?  Eventually I realized that it was more than my introverted nature that blocked me from pushing my work.  I had to overcome the feeling that my writing was trivial, not worthy of attention.  It didn’t matter that the beloved Harry Potter stories, which are pure entertainment, soared to the top of best seller lists.   It didn’t matter that I knew my writing was good.

What was stopping  me?

I needed to go through a process.  Did I want to succeed in winning readers?  Yes!  I had to make that decision.

I asked my guiding spirit, “Show me, dear Lord, what’s blocking me.  What’s causing that paralyzing fear.  Show me how to overcome.”

Reaching out for spiritual help, I was struck by a realization:  The paralysis was rooted in how I was brought up, what I was taught, and how I was treated by those closest to me.  As if my creative pursuits didn’t matter.  As if they were simply hobbies that could be dismissed into a drawer.   I invited such disregard because self promotion embarrasses me.  Once I understood what lay behind this paralysis, hurt welled up.  But the paralysis faded.  A remaining fear slows my progress, but I can step forward now in my plan to build a platform.  I can move on the conviction that I have spiritual encouragement, and my hubby’s.

From where I sit behind my computer, I look at a scarred oak desk I bought years ago from a friend, and then discovered  inside the drawer someone had written, “Write, you fool.”

So I write, but I also work on my platform.  In fact, that is my New Year’s Resolution.

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